Chronicle
This blog is intended to chronicle the adventures of the party and is told from the perspective of the party’s Ranger, Kassandra. The views expressed in this writing are what the character herself would perceive and are being written down to show how Kassandra changes while interacting with everyone in the world around her. Drip, drip, drip. Ugh. Really? Between the downpour outside and the seemingly ever-present earthquakes, can this really be called ‘Paradise’? I sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes and pulled my red hair up into a ponytail, splashed some cold water on my face, pulled on my boots, belt, and cloak, and got ready to leave for the day. I looked around our little hut and gathered up what I thought I might need; a couple of sunrods, my small mirror, shackles, and backpack and then grumpily pushed open the door and stepped out into the rain. A huge raindrop fell from the roof and hit me right on the bridge of my nose. I signed and looked up at the offended spot cross-eyed and groaned. Today was starting off delightfully. The town seemed to be more abuzz than it usually was. People were dashing back and forth looking hurried and frantic. The earth rippled under my feet again and I looked up at Mount.. erm.. oosuubama or whatever the locals call it and saw the reason why. Dotting the sides of the volcano were vents of ash spewing into the air; this thing was about to blow out. I felt my heart begin to race in my chest as I looked around for Katarina. I saw her out of the corner of my eye helping a couple out of their home and carrying some of their belongings to one of the boats that was moored in the harbor. I took my twins cue and began helping some of the more elderly with their belongings, taking what I could for them and getting them aboard their little junks. I’d been dealing with a string of thefts over the past few weeks and was no closer in my investigation to finding out who was behind it or recovering the stolen items. This chaos was a prime opportunity for looters to sneak in and lift valuables from the villagers – some who looked to desperately need every copper piece they had. In the mix, I lost track of Katarina. I figured she was in another part of the village ushering people toward their boats. When I finally got to the beach, amidst the people rushing past me to get to ships, I peered around and saw a swath of red hair run off into the treeline of the jungle. I noticed a catperson and a man break off and give chase to her. I moved with them. We ran through the jungle for a bit and I watched my sister run out to a secluded beach, shouting to a couple of men. She had her arms full of stolen property from the village. I was dumbstruck. I mean, I know she’s the one always plotting and scheming, but still.. that’s a life for some poor villager. I did the first thing that came to mind; I ran out from the trees and flying tackled her to the ground. Rocks whistled overhead while I struggled to get her under control. I finally had to chain her up while making sure that she wasn’t harmed by her arrow-slinging friend. I dodged a couple of his arrows as I pulled myself out of the sand and before I knew it, my swords were in my hands. I remember closing in on him and finally slicing him up one side and down the other. For good measure, I got the upper half of his longbow right across the left side of my face. I knocked his ass out with the hilt of my sword, threw my swords into the sand, pulled my own longbow, knocked an arrow and screamed a warning to the man the catwoman was keeping busy with feeble swipes. After ignoring me, I filled his back with arrows. I collected the spilled items from in front of my sister, put them in my cloak and gathered everyone onto the little junk ship that was tied into the sand. I chained Katarina on deck and tied up her longbow-wielding friend and then jumped into the water to dislodge the boat. The catwoman was…not a help in this. I ended up pushing the boat free and tossing her on deck before sailing out to sea. The seas got increasingly more violent over the next couple of days. Between the rain, winds and erupting volcano, life has been just peachy. Did I mention that I am now the caretaker of an overgrown cat, some kind of shape shifting spirit shaman, two women who I can barely understand and a heretic? Sometimes I think that just staying in bed would have been more preferable. But, I’m getting ahead of myself. Damnit. I’m running out of ink and paper. I’ll go and bother the cat.. Zee.. something or other. She has paper and ink. Alright.. ink. Paper. I'm good. So, we're on a boat getting knocked around in the storm. I had tried numerous times while checking on my sister and her companion, to get them to talk to me about what was going on. I couldn't get anything out of them and I wasn't willing to slap my twin around to get answers. Then I threw up a few times. That was delightful. We saw a lighthouse shining out through the storm just as our ship crashed into the rocks. Dear Lighthouse makers, Please put your buildings further out to sea so that unskilled sailors don't crash their shitty ships into rocks. Thank you in advance. I grabbed Katarina and swam to shore the best I could with her still chained up. Cat and the shaman made it ashore safe. The only casualty was my sister's companion who I couldn't save as well. Difficult circumstances call for difficult choices to be made - sorry guy, gonna save my twin sister over you. Anyway, we managed to get to the Lighthouse. I secured Katarina downstairs to the sturdiest thing I could find -- a chair. Fuck me, even an infant could get free of that. Oh well, it held her. I tended to her wounds. She was a bit concussed, but otherwise wasn't in too much peril. The cat and shaman - no, I still don't know their names, went upstairs to explore when they heard someone cry out. I'm not really sure what the hell happened, but after a minute or two I heard them calling for help. I ran up the stairs, falcata's in hand and pushed open the door to the light room. Giant. Inky. Squid. With a fucking mask. And a dog. Made of ink..stuff. Did I mention that I should've just stayed in bed? That. Oh, and a woman up there with some strange sword. We manage to best the squid thing and she slices the mask in half. All the ink stuff falls away leaving an odd looking man and an adorable puppy. Sorry I hit you with my swords, puppy. Most of the magical windows around the light room blow out and leave us to the elements. Don't worry, Gods. I wasn't having a bad enough day. I needed this extra bit of incentive to hate my life some more. The woman began hurriedly rushing us out of the top level of the lighthouse and down toward the cellar. I picked up the unconscious man, threw him over my shoulder and made my way down the stairs as quickly as I could. We got to the cellar, I tossed him in, grabbed Katarina and scurried down the ladder into the cellar with my comrades. It's at this point that I figure out that this woman, Amadea, doesn't speak a single word of Common, Elvish, Dwarvish or any other language between us. Wonderful. It'll be like talking to one of the deaf-blind scribes at Katarina's Temple, Kellen Heller. So, we sit down in the dark cellar for a few hours, after which time the new guy seems to come to his senses. Kinda. He loses his shit and attacks the Shaman out of fucking nowhere, putting a knife to his throat. No. Not on my watch. I didn't save these people from impending fiery immolation to have you kill one of them. You and your purple eyes can go pound sand on the beach and get swept away. At this point, Amadea starts making her special sounds to tell us something is amiss. Really, Lassie? Timmy is stuck down a well? Show us where! She points at our wrists where each of us notice a slightly glowing mark that resembles a linked chain. Crazy guy slumps back into his anti-social stupor and I notice that the storm has subsided. I climb up the ladder and smell at the wood - no smell of fresh rain and I can't hear anything past that. I push the cellar door open. Aaaaand, darkness. Fabulous. I come to in the middle of some ancient and rampaged library. My sister is gone, leaving behind my manacles and her holy symbol. Fuck. Everyone else is still there. Again, I'll trade them for my sister. Everyone else eventually wakes up from whatever happened. Amadea seems to have some notion of wherever in the Hells we are. Oh wait.. she can't tell us. We're in Fuckmylifeia. I'm now wherever we are without my sister -- the one person in the whole of the world that I would go anywhere and do anything for. Ugh. Damnit.. need more paper. Seriously, cat? Charging me for paper? And then I wrote down how to never find your body. Oh, free paper now? I thought so. Where was I. Oh yeah, no idea. We're in this strange place that I know isn't my own world. Mainly because when I look into the sky it's not purple with two moons that never seem to move. So yes, not my world. We spend some time searching through the library and find a whole heap of books. In a library. I know, shocker, right? Except, all the books look to have been magically erased. At least we have a huge supply of sanitary tissue now. What? I don't care how savage I might be, I'm still going to wipe. Ick. But, I digress. After poking around for awhile, we find a room to hold up in. No windows or other doors; defensible. Thank you Kellen Heller for your survival expertise. At was at this point that I kind of remembered, "Oh hey, it's been three days since you slept. You've been running on adrenaline." And then I was out. And because I'm not jittery enough at the totality of my circumstance, I feel someone close to me in my sleep and start up. Amadea is crouched over me with her hands outstretched. Thank you for the slumbertime feel-up, friend. Don't worry, it's not creepy at all. Oh wait. It is. I now have the priviledge of sleeping with one eye open for the foreseeable future. She goes on to do the same to everyone else. At least she's an equal-opportunity sleep-feeler. I'm awoken again by the sound of something in the hall outside the door. Whatever it is, it doesn't seem to have noticed us. I move to the doorway and wait for the sound of whatever it is to pass by before opening the door. One..two..three..four..five. It should be safe now. I take out some oil I had stashed in my belt, pour some on the door hinges, stash it back and open the door. Two creatures are about 6 paces away. They look like gnolls, but they're not -- different. They have strange marks on their heads and look diseased and mishapen. Amadea seems to recognize these things and runs out to get all stabby. I run after her to make sure she doesn't get killed. For all I know, these things can shoot fire beams out of those marks on their heads. That'd be great; dying here in some far off world to fire versus staying in bed to die on my own world by fire. We make short work of these two things and move on to explore the rest of the Library. We find a handful of books that Amadea seems to find useful. I go to find something that's a language primer and pick up a couple of books that Heller tells me are 'forbidden'. Maybe one of them will tell me what is going on or where in the Hells I am. Crazy guy finds a statue that has a secret compartment. Did I mention he's also a heretic? Trust me, I wanna burn him, but without a suitably large fire, scorching someone is just annoying. Amadea sends this odd crystal she has down into the passage - which is tiny. It does whatever the heck it does down there. She tells us that it's some kind of tiny groundskeepers room. We hear some kind of struggle outside and I run over to a balcony and staircase to see two of these head-marked creatures dragging a woman. Being me, I bound down the stairs and do what I do best - hit things with sharp objects. Don't knock it, it's worked out pretty well for me thus far. Everyone else soon joins the melee and we end up wiping these two creatures out. The woman with them looks badly beaten, but otherwise will survive. Hooray!! She can't speak common either! At this point, I feel like my sister trying to teach me my words when we were little. Amadea tells us that this woman - Vega is a Maenad. Well.. that's helpful. Thank you for shining a light on a matter none of us know anything about. This is the equivalent of explaining to a fish what a tree is. Moving on. Both women go on to tell us that we need to try to find someplace safe because there's squidpeople nearby. What the fuck is a squidperson? Is that even a thing? Amadea keeps making tentacle gestures in front of her face. Are you kidding me? I think I'm going to start making up things too. That should keep everyone on their toes. What's bigger than a breadbox, wears chains, but is missing? Oh that's right! My twin sister! At least that's real. Ugh. Alright, back to the chronicle. We walk through this ancient city for a long time. The sky and moons here never change. This is handy. Navigation according to the position of the sun and stars is going to be delightful. We eventually kind of feel like it's night time. Despite it being day time. Yes, really. I'm able to find a building that we can use. It's kind of defensible. By kind of, I mean that there's lots of windows, a door that can close, and a lot of blind corners where monsters can jump out. Perfectly safe. Everyone gets settled in. I take watch and after a few hours, I hear someone rooting around outside. I hear a clanging sound. Cowbell? Who needs that much cowbell? Not even if I had a fever and cowbell was the only cure, would I need one that loud. I peer out the window cautiously -- afterall, is there any other way to do so? If your opinion differs, you're wrong. Or dead. Which proves my point either way. So.. looking out the window, I see a man walk past with this cow-looking thing. Lots of stuff thrown over its back. He looks like some kind of a hunter. But what kind of hunter roams this nightmare place going, "HELLO?!" with a giant fucking cow? This whole place seems to be a contradiction. A library with blank books. A night that looks like day. A loud hunter. This must be the Hells. Or someone poisoned my food. Either is a plausible explanation right now. The cat woman lets out a yeowl like..well.. a cat. So help me, if you get someone killed, I'll hit you so hard that when you wake up your clothes will be out of style, then back in style, and then out again. Your ancestors might even feel it. Idiot. "HERE KITTY KITTY!!" comes this guy's voice. Yes, yell it. Yelling at a cat always makes it want to come to you. In the dead of 'night'. I grab my swords, shoot the idiot cat one last glare -- I have no idea if this guy is dangerous or not and I'd prefer to not be laying in a pool of my own blood before finding out. I climb out the window quietly while Mr. Hunter guy sneaks in through the front door. I sneak past the cow thing that looks at me. Hi, cow thing. You look tasty. I peer around through the door and see this guy looking at our tracks on the ground. Oops. Note to self: sweep tracks so as to not be.. well, tracked. I step into the doorway and whistle quietly. This guy whirls around on me and goes as white as the snows of my home. Not always the reaction I want from a man, but in this case, it'll do. Something about his face gives me a hint that he might think I'm going to rob him and do unsavory things to his cow. Well, maybe the cow part -- that fucker looks like it'd feed a town. He starts, what I can only imagine is an attempt to barter for his life. As I am now the Miracle Worker for the party, I begin miming that we're looking for food and am willing to trade for it. He looks relieved. I tell him that I will give him one of my potions for some food - a potion of Pass without Trace. Immensely helpful for someone like me. I explain to him as best as I can what it does. He seems very happy at the trade and gives us what looks like an entire deer. Good trade. I tell him to be safe in his travels and make the squidperson motion with my hands. He nods gravely and goes on his way. I hope whatever powers are in this place protect him. The rest of the night passes uneventfully and I pass out. I wake up at the insistance of Amadea and Vega. No, I don't wanna get up. Bad things happened before when I did that. Wait.. it's a continuance of this nightmare. I get up and take a..generous drink from my wineskin. It's probably gonna be that kind of day. We all meander out into the streets of this deserted place. Vega begins yammering after several hours that we're close to the city we need to go to. I look around. Desolation. Yep, thriving metropolis here. Don't know why I couldn't see it before. I'm giving a stupified look right now, in case anyone who reads this is missing out on the sarcasm. We come upon a somewhat intact tower and go inside. We explore around for a few minutes and I find Slumpy McTrashfinder on the second floor. He's covered in a brown robe and I can't see any of him under it. Disturbing, but it's kind of on-par with the rest of my day at this point. I tell him that we're looking for the city. I think he understands me because he looks annoyed. Great, I'm irksome on a planar scale. I can cross that off the things I have to do before I die -- which may be soon as it is. By this time, everyone has piled in behind me and is following Slumpy. He does some kind of magic thing -- Katarina would probably understand this, and some of the bricks in the wall begin to move around and open up into a natural cave. Okay, that's impressive. Now can you do that again and send me home? That'd be swell. We all cross into the cave. It's dark. Because it's a cave. I take out my last sunrod, crack it and golden light shines from the top of the stick. Being able to see is a good thing. Heretic, Cat, Shaman, Heller and Vega shuffle along behind me in the light of the sunrod for awhile. Suddenly something dark and leathery swoops out of the darkness and latches onto the Cat and Heretic's faces. For a moment I ponder this situation and letting the event play out. If there is such a thing as fate, it's probably watching me. If I ever want to find my sister again and get out of this nightmare, I should probably help. Oh.. and I get to hit these two with swords. Yes, I'm grinning, how'd you know? After a short battle and me getting to hit the Heretic and Cat a few times, which made the day better, we're resting and I'm writing this. I'm not sure what time it is, but I think that's all for now. I'm just about out of ink and will need to hassle the Cat for more. ---- I have ink and Gods willing, the Cat will think better of asking me for money again. I'm feeling punchy. So, we all walk through the cave a bit further and run into some Gnolls. I stand the line to defend this group of misfits and am rewarded for it by suffering several sword wounds. And who comes to my rescue? No, not Kellen Heller. No, she's been giving lessons to Vega. My eyes flutter open as life returns to me. I look down. Oh, hello Vega. Yes, my breasts needed your hands on them. For half a minute. Awkward. After getting groped back to life, I just lay there and swing my swords from the ground. Apparently I'm a better ground fighter and may have been a Halfling in a previous life. Spells and weapons whiz over my head in a cacophany of steel against steel and from the cat, rock against rock -- can't hit the broad side of two barns. Still, though, we managed to overcome these brutes. I took their red headbands as a sign of victory and a warning to not fuck with us. Amadea and Vega start to chatter. It's become like a buzzing fly in the back of my head. I've kind of started to tune it out. Almost like the rest of the group. I nod and smile politely. At least I think it looks polite. It's dark and for all I know, I look like the red death. And fuck, I stink. I'm sure that this is enough to frighten away anyone. Hold on, digging through my bag. Wait, why did I write that down? No perfume or soap left. Shit. I must've lost it in the past few days. So, the Heretic seems to like flowers; he takes the glowing ones the Gnolls were carrying and slings the satchel around his shoulder like a purse. Not your color, you're an autumn. Flowers are summer. Men. Oh, so Amadea and Vega are rambling about how killing these guys is a bad thing. Right. People who attack us with bastard swords is something I need to just take on the chin. Got it. So, I take the darkmantle hides and wrap them around the heads of the fallen Gnolls in, what I thought, was a pretty good attempt at disguising their deaths. Except for the sword wounds..and blood all over all of us. Devil's in the details. We continue on and run into another party of Gnolls. Great. Since the first round with them went to swimingly, I opt for another approach -- Diplomacy. Kind of. This is something that Katarina should be doing. She's better with people. Still, I manage to convey to the Gnolls that we're explorers and woefully lost. One pushes his way past the Heretic and I to, what I can assume is to investigate where we came from. The Gnoll calls me 'Cloakless', whatever that means. He barks back and forth with the other Gnolls. One of the other Gnolls grabs Heretic's man purse and pushes him back. Obviously something is important about that satchel. The Heretic then proceeds to stab the Gnoll in the face. Diplomacy abruptly ends. I go after the most brutish of them (at least from what I can see amidst the darkness). A few hits later, I end up on the ground again with a sword through most of my body. Ouch. So, now I have Gnoll blood undoubtedly mixing with my own. I'm sure this'll end well. And it does. Lady Feelsmyboobs comes to the rescue and proceeds to get a bit touchy some more. Cleric's here are strange. In Styrgel, they just press their index and middle finger to the center of your forehead and that usually takes care of things. But oh wait, this is Fuckmylifeia and things aren't quite normal here. Wherever my sister is, I'm sure that random people aren't touching her breasts. I kill the big one and yell at the others to drop their weapons. I'm tired. I smell horrible. I need to eat. My head hurts. Two of them stop what they're doing and begin to listen. Then the third one fucks it all up. Ouch. More pain registers as I collapse to the ground again. I feel my life slipping away and then tugging at my body through unconsciousness. Yeah, you guessed it. My boobs. My eyes pop open and I look down at my breasts and the female hands cupping them, then up to Vega's face. I feel like I need to carry around a whistle and a pepper oil vial. Still, though, I'm alive and I'm thankful. Awkwardly thankful. Okay, take your hands off my boobs please, I have stuff to kill. Thank you. We finish off the last of the Gnolls. I look at the Heretic and punch him as hard as I can. Fucking idiot that nearly got us killed and himself. Even I know that you don't try to cast a spell in front of someone with a sword - because that someone will absolutely fucking hit you while you're dancing around and wiggling your fingers. Maybe he was a Druid in a past life and spent all his time singing to the squirrels. Who knows. We search around the area and Cat brings my sunrod into the little cavern we're in. We notice some stairs leading up to a pair of huge oak and iron-bound doors. The Heretic or Cat.. I don't remember which, finds a little metal disc thing on what I can safely assume to be the leader. He had a silver belt buckle. Had. After fiddling with the door, pushing on it and getting nowhere, the Cat and Heretic figure out that this disc thing is the key and that they need to cast one of their spells through it so that the device will unlock the door. They mess around with the door for a few minutes, but manage to get it to unlocked. It swings open. Into a city bazaar. More Gnolls. Humans, Elves, Halflings. Someone in the crowd yells, "Cloakless!" There's that word again. I'm wearing a cloak, so I'm still not sure what the hell this means. But, I'm covered in blood and the bodies of Gnolls are piled all around me. "Yes, Magistrate, I'm innocent." Suspicion is nine-tenths guilty. I wipe some of the Gnoll blood across my face. If these guys are going to bring the fight, at least I'll die with my swords in my hands. It's time for war. I whisper a prayer to Khyram to watch over those in my protection and to keep my sister safe, wherever she may be. The Gnolls wave us into the city and out of the cave. I put my swords away and fold my arms across my bosom and look as defiant as I can be, given the situation. The Gnolls begin to clap everyone in irons. One of them approaches me. I take out my own shackles and place them on my wrists. In front of me. Clearly these guys have never had prisoners before. We're led through the city like trophies on parade. I still have the headbands of the Gnolls tied to my belt; some of the guards bark at me. I bark back. I'm sure I said something offensive. Finally, after marching through this little black parade, we arrive at a palace. Please, please let them be taking me for a bath. I don't even care if they drown me, I'll at least die clean. We're marched into a grand hall before a man who has spots on his head and a mohawk. It's actually not that bad of a look. He does it well. He says his name is 'Bas'.. not sure if that's how it's spelled, but that's how I'm going to write it. He seems to be enamored with the Cat. It's all well and good until she'll poop outside the litterbox. Then you'll be sad that you went after her. He talks about stuff. I'm exhausted from a lack of sleep and am not really paying that much attention. He asks where we came from and what we were doing outside the city without cloaks. I still don't really see the importance of the cloak thing. I snap for one of the goons who took my stuff. Hey, dogboy, get over here and give me my book. Good dog. Woof. I give Bas this book and let him read. He still looks clueless. Fuck. I draw him a map of where we came from and explain what a Lighthouse is. Between all of us, we give him a general overview of the land, our pantheon and how we came to be here. None of it really seems to register. Then he tells us we stink. We must be in Obvious, because he's the fucking King of it. The other women and I are led to the baths where we wash up. Hot water feels so heavenly. I make sure to stay away from the cat. Gods damn fur in the water. I sit up in the bath and push my hair out of my face and feel hands on my breasts. I open my eyes and see Vega. She bolts off in the other direction. I sink back under the water and yell. Bubbles make their way to the surface of the water. After our baths, we dress and are called to dinner. We are marched into the dining hall and then sit down to eat. Through the course of the dinner, Bas asks us what we're doing here. I tell him that we were looking for a city that Vega said was safe and to find my sister. I try to impart to him a sense of urgency about it since she's my twin and the only person I have left. After his answer displeases me, I leave the table and stalk off toward the bath hall -- mainly because it's the only place that I know the way to. One of the guards tries to stop me. I punch him. Fuck you and get out of my way is written all over my face. I sit in the bath hall for an hour or so when I'm fetched by one of the guards. I'm escorted to a room I'm sharing with Amadea. Not wanting to be groped any further, I take my blanket and pillow and climb through the window and onto the terrace outside our room. There are guards pacing back and forth. Fuck them. This is where I'm sleeping. I'm woken abruptly by a Gnoll 'tripping' over me. Really? You've managed to pace over me for 8 hours and suddenly you forget I'm here? I sit up, rear back and punch him as hard as I can in the ass. He yelps. I smile. I stand up and put the blanket over my head and yell at him, "CLOAKLESS!!!" I roll my eyes and climb back through the window to get dressed. We are marched to breakfast and eat. Bas announces that we are now his prisoners. This is a great start to my day. I look around for some wine, but don't see any. My mood sours more. But, he says, there's a catch. Of course there is. There's ALWAYS a catch. We can work for him and find a lost patrol that he sent to a place called Undercity or we can be put to death. Since I'm rather fond of breathing and moreover, finding my sister, I opt for the first choice and begin writing up the contract for our terms of employment. It reads as such: Service Agreement Contract This legal service agreement document will be effective from today until such time as the party can be confirmed to be deceased or when the lost patrolmen can be located and their status reported back to Bas, herein to be referred to as Captor. This contract may be expanded upon at the sole discretion of both parties, but no one party can make amendments to this contract without the other. Furthermore, both parties agree to comply by the law and shall not violate any provided conditions. Any case of violation of this agreement shall be immediately punishable by whatever means Captor deems necessary. Should Captor violate these terms, the party, herein to be refered to as Captives, shall be immediately set free. Further, as a stipulation on this contract, Kassandra Aeron, part of Captives, has requested additional information on her twin sister, Katarina Aeron as well as all personal affects and weapons of the Captives so that this Service Agreement may be carried out with haste. The Captives agree, with the signing of this Service Agreement, to search Undercity at Captor's request for a lost patrol. Once this is done, Captives have a responsibility to report back to Captor within a period not to exceed one month so that Captor may be made aware of the status of said patrol. Signature of witness: ______________________________________________ Signature of Captor: _______________________________________________ Signatures of Captives: _____________________________________________ Signed on ________ of __________ in the Realm of Paradigm There, there's my last name. I figure since this whole thing needs to be legal, that I should have to put my formal name so that everything is on record. Breakfast ends and we're told that we can explore the city, under guard, of course. Finally, I can try to find my sister.